It’s 00:30 and I can’t sleep.
I found myself back here in my little online corner where it all started back in June 2011. This used to be the place where I spent most of my time; this is how I turned a hobby into a job. My blog.
It’s had to take a back seat for a bit whilst I focused on other things, but I often think about coming back and writing here regularly. Instagram is great, but it just doesn’t cut it for long chats, paragraphs full of ideas and many, many thoughts that go through my head. People get bored easily on Instagram, myself included. Pretty picture, heart, scroll, next!
Life has changed a bit since I last posted here properly and regularly. I’ve been here a couple of times, but not really. Not fully engaging and writing.
I have 2 kids now. A boy and a girl. They are 3 (and a half) and 1 (and a half). Life is pretty amazing… and busy, really busy.
James is my sweet soul, cheeky like his daddy. He likes to roar as loud as he can, as often as he can. He loves animals and he has a short attention span – like his daddy. He’s in nursery school and will be starting Reception next September!
Isabella is sensitive and determined. She reminds me a lot of me. She can talk for England, Wales and Brazil! She’s so wise beyond her years and I know she will be the first to leave home – just like I did.
The two of them together spend half the time adoring each other and laughing, and the other half bickering and fighting over toys; you know, like most siblings.
Like I said, life is amazing.
I’ve been parenting for three and a half years now, and for a lot of that time, I was in survival mode. Must keep the babies alive. Must get things done. I can sort myself out later, when everyone is happy, healthy, fed, washed, entertained. Except later never really came, so 2018 has been the year of ‘what about me?’.
This was the year to look at myself as a person – not just as mum. I saw how much I’d let go, waiting for the right moment to get back; it was alarming! That’s how I discovered the power of mindfulness for mums; through absolute need to be more present in the moment, enjoy the little things, worry less, dig deeper, look after myself.
2018 is nearly over and I didn’t want it to end without me coming back to where this all started for me. After all, this was always a place for me; my thoughts, my opinions, my experiences. The year of ‘what about me?’ couldn’t end without me saying: Hello. Is anybody there?
If you are, hi :) I won’t make any promises of coming here every evening at 7pm because I will just get frustrated with myself if I don’t, but I want to come here when I have something to say. When I need more than an Instagram caption, when a video can’t quite explain what I’m thinking. And frankly, that happens a lot to me.
No commitment, no pressure, just me sharing what I’m thinking and hopefully that will touch another person’s life in any way.
It’s 00:53 now and I’ve been writting non-stop for 20 minutes. This is so much better than writing on my iPhone notes! :)