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23 January 2019
Motherhood

My Baby Had Colic And It Nearly Broke Me (AD)

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If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit. Swip

If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit. Swipe for a shareable ⬅️✨
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I was never taught to rest.
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Doing was always seen as better than not doing in my family; perhaps because my single mum raising three children on her own had no chance to catch her breath. If not her, then who?
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Over the years of seeing doing as achieving, coupled with my people-pleasing nature, “doing” become my thing.
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I'm a go-getter, I'm a woman of action, I get things done. I'm do-er, that's who I am.
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Got 5 minutes before I have to leave? Quickly throw a load in the washing machine. One child in school? Better get busy with the littlest one; let's bake some banana bread. Kids are happy a minute? I can fill in that back to school form, send 5 emails and quickly tidy up the post-lunch mess.
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That's perfectly acceptable in my life and in none of these situations do I stop to consider that maybe I could just sit down for a moment.
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I harshly judge myself and others (sorry, husband!) for having moments of rest.
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I feel guilty for the times I simply stand still. And I'm not even talking about taking time for myself; somehow that makes me feel less guilty than resting because doing something for me is still doing.
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The idea that my worth isn't in what I do has been a major breakthrough for me recently.
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I've lived this narrative for so long that I find it stressful to even think about taking time to rest. I can’t switch off from all the things I could/should/would be doing. I can't help but associate rest with time wasted.
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But that's changing. Albeit very slowly, I'm learning that rest is good and it doesn't make me less deserving of love and appreciation.
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I'm hoping that the more I say it, the more the voice inside me believes it and soon it will become a normal thing to do, just like showering or eating.
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P.S: This text took an unexpected turn! I get that Banksy's quote is supposed to focus on comparing resting and quitting, but I saw an opportunity for deep personal reflection when I read it, and I ran with it. 💛
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#restisnotawasteoftime #mindfulmotherhoodmoment

Be the one who points out what is going right and

Be the one who points out what is going right and helps out with what is going wrong. 💫
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Swipe left for a shareable ⬅️
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#intentionalliving #positivelife #positivemindset #bethelight #positivequotes

Be right or be happy. ⠀⠀ Sometimes we have to

Be right or be happy.
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Sometimes we have to choose.
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When our opinions become so strong that being right becomes more important than being happy, it’s time to take a step back and think about what’s really important.
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This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately, especially in my marriage and the pressure that comes with being together 24/7 during lockdown. Arguments are inevitable.
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So I ask myself:
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Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? Which is more important?
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Which is healthier?
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Which brings me closer to those I love and care about? Which fosters a stronger relationship?
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Being right is nice... but it doesn’t equate to being happy. And if we’re happy, usually it doesn’t really matter who’s right or wrong. Right? 😉
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If your discussions with your partner, family and friends are becoming quite tense and uncomfortable, you may be focusing too much on being right and not enough on being happy.
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This is a big one for me to practice more often. I have such a strong sense of right and wrong, but sometimes I could do with letting that take a back seat and focus on the bigger picture.
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I hope you enjoyed this reflection. Do you see room for improvement in how you handle arguments and being right vs being happy? 💛
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#intentionalliving

Rest up, mama. ⠀⠀ Yeah sure, do other things t

Rest up, mama.
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Yeah sure, do other things that fulfil you as well - workout, cook, meditate, read a book. But remember to rest.
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I can see how tense I am here.
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Shoulders locked up, legs ready to jump out. I didn’t even bother getting under the duvet because... (gosh, it sounds so weird when I say it out loud) it’s harder to get up if I need to.
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This was a real attempt at a nap. I kept the door open and asked the kids to play upstairs, just so I can listen out for any sound of trouble.
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Talk about self-sabotage!
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Rest is a huge struggle of mine. Even when my body eventually rests, I battle with my mind to stop thinking about everything I need to do.
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The pencil case supplies I mustn’t forget, the invoice that needs to be sent, the mince that goes off today. Oh and I must schedule a zoom call with my family to check on how they are doing.
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In the midst of worrying about everyone I leave no room for rest. And when I do, I set myself up for failure.
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Next time I’ll put some hard boundaries down. Even if I have to bribe them with chocolate buttons if they agree to sit down and watch a movie for 20 minutes. 😆
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P.S: check my Stories for Bella’s idea of what mummy’s nap time looked like! 🤦🏻‍♀️💖
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#mindfulmotherhoodmoment

I won’t forget the day I sent them to bed withou

I won’t forget the day I sent them to bed without a kiss.
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They pushed all my buttons today. Pressed as hard as possible, like a remote control running out of battery.
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There was nothing unusual about their mischievousness, though - not listening, playing a bit too rough with each other, trashing the house, the odd scratch from a “my toy/no my toy” moment. You get the gist!
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But at the end of a long week, I was running on fumes and I got to the point where I either sent them to bed or burst into tears.
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But this isn’t a day I’ll remember because I didn’t kiss them goodnight. I’ll remember it because I didn’t take care of myself enough to be able to handle my emotions better.
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This is my reminder of why self care matters. Why I need time to recharge and reset.
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Giving them whatever was left of me felt like giving more than I had to give. And in that moment, when they both started laughing at mummy for being cross, I gave up.
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I need to do even better at looking after myself. As the wonderful @annamathur says, “my one job is to manage my own emotions so that I can manage my emotional responses to them”. That’s what was lacking today.
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Thank God for my husband, who picked up where I left off, held the boundaries and calmed everyone down.
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Update: I wrote this in the heat of the moment as a way to process my feelings. After understanding why this had happened, I went upstairs and had a quick chat with both of them. I apologised for not being more patient, they apologised for being unkind. I felt a wave of guilt as I closed their bedroom doors, but I quickly remembered my own mantra:
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✨ Acknowledge. Accept. Remember you are not alone. Be kind to yourself. Let it go.
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I wanted to end with this little pep talk for anyone else who also needs to hear this:
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I’m not a bad mum, I’m a good mum having a bad day. 💛
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#mindfulmotherhoodmoment

I’ve been a bit quiet the last few days because

I’ve been a bit quiet the last few days because it’s back to school week in Wales and as a helpless overthinker, when something is taking up a lot of my headspace, there’s really not much room for anything else.
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James is going back tomorrow, only half a day a week for 3 weeks. He’s raring to go and the school has made us feel very comfortable with everything they have put in place for the kids going back.
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I’m excited and worried. I’m sad Bella won’t be going in (no nursery provision until September) and happy that James gets to see his friends and teachers that he’s missed so much. I’m scared of him catching coronavirus and relieved to only have one child to focus on for half a day once a week.
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And it’s ok to feel conflicting emotions all at the same time. If you’re not quite sure how to reconcile your opposite feelings, just let them exist; each in its own right.
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I want him to go AND I don’t want him to go. That’s allowed.
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Sending love to anyone feeling as ambivalent as me about their child going back to school. 💛
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#backtoschool #mindfulmotherhoodmonent #worriedandexcited #maternalmentalhealth #anxiety #maternalanxiety

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